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Courage to be YOU

December 31, 2016 by Heidi Frye

Amidst the seasonal hubbub, a dear friend invited me to a holiday concert featuring soprano soloist  and new acquaintance Diane Penning, as well as a local choir group. Wanting to experience Diane’s music, I surrendered to the commitment – it was certainly a “plop” in the middle of my last-weekend-before-Christmas-to-get-things-done stress – and said “yes”. The venue, St. Andrew’s Cathedral, was beautiful. We settled into our fourth row seats for an hour of Christmas music (after all…how many school concerts had I endured? I could do one more…). As the choir began, I was surprised and moved by how incredibly beautiful they sounded (jaded by too many school concerts??). And, they were interesting to watch! One woman in particular stood out to me, singing v-e-r-y enthusiastically – swaying, gyrating, head bobbing to the beat. I chuckled at how out-of-place and silly she looked. My gaze left her and surveyed the rest of the choir. But there was something that drew me back to her. I was fascinated. And then the oddest thing happened. A tear slide down my face. And then another. And another. Had the music broken through my holiday-stress armor? …what else could it be? No, It was something about that woman. I suddenly saw her beauty! Oh my gosh, it is her unbridled, unabashed, unapologetic sense of who she was! She was joyfully, confidently, proudly, sharing her joy. She had the courage to be authentically herself!

Countless leadership annals point to the link between courage and authenticity. The Grossman Group refers to it as quiet courage versus Rambo Courage – “a courage that comes from deep inside”. Forbes contributor Tardanico sites how “courageous leaders” are in short supply, and how necessary they are in modern-time work-place stress. John Terry’s book title alone points to the correlation, Authentic Leadership – Courage in Action. Harvard Business Review’s author, Bill George, in his article Discovering Your Authentic Leadership, gives us good news…anyone can learn to be an authentic leader.  “Authentic leaders…work hard at developing self-awareness through persistent and often courageous self-exploration.”

In the same HBR article the author makes a case that authentic leadership is the reason behind sustained long-term results(!).  Even if short-term gains are achieved, minus authenticity, sustained long-term success is not possible. So my question to you is: Do you have the courage to be you?! Do you have the courage to lead authentically from that quiet place within…leading confidently, joyfully, proudly, and maybe even sharing your joy. I am grateful to the out-of-place, silly looking, beautiful woman who had the courage to be her authentic self…inspiring me to do the same. To be me.

 

 

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Personality Tagged With: authentic leader, Authenticity, courage, Diane Penning, holiday concert, leadership, long-term results, soprano, St. Andrew's Cathedral

Successful Leaders Shift Out of Binary Thinking/Communication

July 28, 2016 by Heidi Frye

Screen Shot 2016-07-28 at 12.48.00 PM

I was first introduced to this idea of “binary thinking” when a friend was explaining how simplistically men view sex (!!!)…which wasn’t exactly new news, but I just hadn’t heard it framed that way before. And then I started to notice patterns in my own leadership clients. Interesting concept. Remember the wonderful world of 1’s and 0’s from Computer Science 101? On. Off. Yes. No. Good. Bad. I began to observe this same simplistic pattern of “on” and “off” -ness in their communication style. My client leaders who had a binary communication style or view, were more prone to communication challenges…aha! At a minimum, on one end of the spectrum, leaders were reporting being overlooked/overshadowed, not heard, or not speaking up, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, they were causing fear and withdrawal in others, and the shutdown of ideas – getting things done but leaving dead bodies in their wake.

If you do not see yourself fitting this description, good for you, but I know you know someone who does! This is (unfortunately) quite prevalent, especially in the leadership ranks. I can separate my clients into two categories related to binary thinking/communication. The first being those who have grown up building up their “bossy/dictatorial muscle” leaning on formal authority or practicing intimidation to get things done, sometimes even getting labeled “bully” or “overbearing”. The second being the “quiet/nice/introverted” leader who is prone to not speaking up, but wanting to climb the corporate ladder, learns to become “assertive”. Although opposite starting points, the same end result, 0 or 1.

Over time, two basic skills (muscles) get used: (I know you’ve heard these terms…) 1. Passive – “If don’t say anything I’ll avoid conflict” (I don’t like conflict or I’ve been told I come on too strong or I’m trying to be nice and therefore will not speak my truth); 2. Aggressive – “Hey, at least I’m getting results…what else matters?” (this is my go-to strategy to get things done or I’m tired of not being heard, I’ll make sure they hear me this time! or I’m not being aggressive, they just don’t understand me ). Usually it’s a combination of the two. Hence binary thinking/communication! It’s time to build new muscles!!

BINARY Leaders (belief/view):

0 = Silent/say nothing = GOOD

1 = Speak and create conflict  = BAD

…but COMMUNICATION IS NOT BINARY!  Please consider another scale – a 10 point scale. To achieve the goal of my favorite mantra: Honoring Self while Respecting Others, optimally you’ll be in the 3-7 range…the finesse zone (courageously speaking your truth (honoring self) deliberately, intentionally, and mindfully, while being respectful (respecting others) and sensitive to the other person’s perspective and viewpoint – taking care to balance)

SUCCESSFUL Leaders:

1 = Silence

2 = Passivity

3 – 7 = the FINESSE ZONE

8 – 9 = Assertiveness

10 = Aggression

This is a pretty simplistic model that leaders understand…in theory anyway. It is much more difficult to implement effectively in the workplace. FINESSE takes practice. And it probably won’t yield perfect results the first few times as you stumble and fumble your way through. Keep at it. It’ll happen and you’ll be shocked (and thrilled!) by how much non-conflict-causing authentic truth you’ll learn to speak! Maybe collaborate and practice with a friend or colleague (they could probably benefit from it as well)? You could also hire “a trainer” to build that muscle…or an executive coach 🙂

Honor yourself while respecting others by shifting out of binary communication!

Filed Under: Communication, Leadership Tagged With: aggressive, authentic leader, Binary, business communication, communication, communication style, conflict, leaders, leadership, passive, perspective, shift

Recharging My Leadership Mojo at Lake Michigan!

December 11, 2015 by Heidi Frye

recharging leadership mojo at lake michigan

Where do you go to reconnect to the authentic leader within yourself? On a beautiful evening in October, I was driving out to a meeting scheduled along the West Michigan lakeshore, and found myself getting crazy-energized – I realized I was quite early and might have an opportunity to stop at the lake and “recharge” beforehand!! The intense energetic waters of Lake Michigan are always a great respite for me, no matter what the time of year, but super special and unexpected mid-October.

On top of knowing I was heading to one of my favorite places, I was happily wearing my favorite fall poncho (I can’t help it, this poncho makes me happy, what can I say?!), an old-favorite song on XM radio (Summer Breeze anyone?), and minimal traffic. I braced myself. I was moving up the scale from good to great, and fabulous was just 20 minutes away!

I deliberately make a practice of getting out to the beach every chance I can (or need) to ground myself. I find I’m a better leader when I do. I’m calmer, more patient. I make better decisions. I’m more creative. I think more strategically. I open up. I’m happier!! If I am not mindful about recharging my batteries/checking in with myself/grounding, I start to lose my leadership mojo…wouldn’t want that! 

It was a beautiful late afternoon/evening, everything was quiet – the vacationers had all left, the beach balls were put away, cottages were locked up, and all you could hear were the crashing waves (surely you’ve heard/seen the Pure Michigan commercials – it’s real!). Perfection. This is my happy-place. I had hit it…fabulous!! For the rest of the evening, I was my best self! I was excited, happy, engaged! People were wondering what was up? My mood was contagious (if we can bring a room down with bad energy, we can certainly lift a room up with fabulous energy!). I had the best conversation with a friend. A positive and productive interaction with a client. The meeting was super-charged – great ideas, great conversation, mutual respect, great energy. All good.

Do yourself, and your co-workers, a huge favor, and get super-charged! Reconnect with the authentic leader within.

p.s. I had a really tough time falling asleep afterward. I was so happy and excited and wired. The best benefit was my super-charged creativity!!!  I couldn’t fall asleep because I was coming up with ideas for new projects, solutions to old problems, fine-tuning my mental to-do list, and even a limerick that made me laugh!  Whew!! Where do you go to recharge, reconnect, and find the authentic leader within?

Optimized-Screen Shot 2015-11-16 at 7.51.17 PM

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Motivation, Uncategorized Tagged With: authentic leader, creativity, decision making; authenticity, engagement, Lake Michigan, leader, leadership, Pure Michigan, strategic thinking, West Michigan

Lakeshore Leadership Lessons: The Ripple Effect

November 6, 2015 by Heidi Frye

Sunset 11-4

Are you kidding?! It is November 4th in Michigan – what does that bring to mind? Blankets of leaves, Halloween-sugar-overdose, jackets, maybe even hats, and the prepping of snowblowers. Well, not today! It is 73 degrees in Michigan and the sun is shining –  it is glorious! [Read more…]

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Motivation, Uncategorized Tagged With: authentic leader, authentic self, disengagement, employee disengagement; Michigan, Lake Michigan, potential, ripple effect, seize the day

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