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Are you a growth-oriented leader?

June 30, 2017 by Heidi Frye

Tension, breakthrough, aha's, development

A few years ago, one of my coaching clients told me about a very cool concept taken from the book, The Wonder Weeks – related to her daughter’s development – serving as an excellent leadership/development metaphor.  The basic concept is, when charted, “fussy periods” will be evident just prior to a child’s major milestones (teething, walking, etc.). As an example, two weeks before her daughter had taken her first step, she was uncharacteristically fussy – a pattern repeated before “big growth moments” – proving a direct correlation of her daughter’s agitation to her childhood milestones!

Huh. Well, in coaching leaders, I have witnessed plenty of adult-fussy-periods…agitation just prior to major developmental breakthroughs. It’s called tension! Nature has demonstrated the value of tension over and over and over again. Think: Chrysalis/Butterfly…Childbirth/Newborn Baby…Oyster & Sand/Pearl!!!! These agitation-fussy periods should be welcomed (if not celebrated!) as they indicate breakthroughs and “aha’s” that couldn’t/wouldn’t happen otherwise. Years ago, while part of an organizational development start-up, my business partner, an Organizational Psychologist, would come out of sessions thrilled that a client had “broken down”…because he knew…a breakthrough was on the other side.

Whether following the wisdom of Angela Duckworth, “Grit: The power of passion and perseverance” or Carol Dweck, “The power of believing you can improve”, there is something special that happens on the other side of tension. It need not be scary. Yes, you’ll need to muster up your strength to push through the discomfort of tension. And yes, you’ll need to resist the temptation to hit the release valve. Rather than resisting, push through it, not around it, not over it, not stopping short of it…but t-h-r-o-u-g-h it.

Tension. Resilience. Growth.

Filed Under: Development, Leadership, Life Tagged With: Angela Duckworth, behavior, business, Carol Dweck, coaching, growth, growth-oriented, leader, leaders, leadership, organizational development, resilience, resistance, Tension, Wonder Weeks

The Gift of Feedback

April 30, 2017 by Heidi Frye

 

feedback

It’s a broad-sweeping statement but based on my experience, most leaders (heck, most people!) do not have an accurate awareness of their impact on others…not surprisingly, underestimating it. In working with hundreds of business leaders, very few understand the depth and breadth of their impact. Yes, many do have an awareness of their less positive attributes, but many do not truly understand the ramifications on the people, the business, or the culture. Disengagement, misunderstandings, fear to speak up, passive agreement…all outcomes that hit the bottom-line.

As a kid, I remember one night over dinner, my father who owned his own business, recounted a less-than-favorable interaction with “a regular”. This particular customer had come in to complain about how a random-careless-human-act had negatively impacted her experience and ultimately the product. As only three devoted and vocal daughters could do, in high-pitched hysteria we went into full-on protective mode, “how dare she…what was she thinking…that is so terrible…how mean…!!!”, when my father signaled for us to “pipe down”. He told us how she had been his best customer that day…how impressed he was that she had come in to speak to him…how grateful he was. Wait. What??! In the words of Dad, “if she hadn’t given me that feedback, I wouldn’t be able to fix my business – make it better…how would I ever know? How many other customers, who don’t say anything, would never come back in? I would have lost their business without a chance! Because of her feedback, I can improve. It was a gift.”

Hmph. Hadn’t thought of it that way. Yep, Dad reframed feedback for me. A lesson that has lasted a lifetime.

When clients get the “gift of feedback” (whether from peers, their manager, friends, their team, or their coach!), are able to put their ego on pause to really hear what is being said, and take it to heart (this is key!), they experience huge growth.

Feedback is not easy to deliver, it takes great courage to give, and is most often, intended to help. It is a gift. How to respond? No rebuttals. No defensiveness. A mere “thank-you” is appropriate.

The rest is on you.

Filed Under: Communication, Leadership, Life, Uncategorized Tagged With: awareness, business, Dad, ego, feedback, growth, impact on others, leaders, leadership

Your body is talking

February 23, 2017 by Heidi Frye

Yes, your body is talking. But do you know what it is saying? Right now, think of something that is causing you mild angst (attending a meeting you don’t want to attend, delivering negative feedback, disagreement with a colleague, not hitting quarterly goals?). Scan your body – where is the tension? My client leaders often unknowingly hold their tension in the chest, neck, and gut/stomach, as well the back, the jaw, and overall body rigidity. Your body knows and sends signals before your head has had a chance to process!

This is your body is talking to you.

Do you listen to it? My aha moment occurred when I answered a call from a colleague/business friend who asked what I was doing Thursday. Panic. When on Thursday? Why is she asking? Oh no, what am I getting roped into here? I gave her the day’s itinerary, and she quickly seized the opportunity, “Great! You’re free in the evening, you can come to my party!” Then it happened. I noticed my chest tighten! So I politely said, “You know, I feel a tightness in my chest, and this is usually a signal that something is off, so let me check my schedule….Ahhh, I see what it is! I am booked the entire week, and Thursday is my only day to get things done, so I don’t think it is going to work for me. Have fun, and if something changes, I’ll let you know!” And that was that. Relationship still intact, as well as my Thursday night. My body literally rescued my evening!

Our bodies talk in other ways too – communication with others at meetings, during one-on-one interactions, and in various business scenarios. Matter-of-fact, the Business Insider article Body Language is Half of Business Communication states “Whether it’s a business or personal interaction, multiple studies show that as much as 50-90% of the communication is nonverbal.” 50-90%?! Your body is literally talking for you nonstop!

Seems like we could to a better job making sure our chatter-box bodies say nice things. One way is to reduce our stress! That was my rationalization anyway while on a recent business retreat to Sedona, AZ. With an afternoon to myself, after completing a fantastic hike/climb, I indulged in a weightless isolation body tank, also known as sensory-deprivation-tank, or float tank. For one hour, I was suspended in a salt-water tank, experiencing no pressure what-so-ever (literally and figuratively!), and tension I didn’t even know I had, released. Once I calmed the internal chatter, my mind suspended as well, entering a peaceful meditative state. This was an experience!

This stress-reducing relaxation technique indirectly benefits body language.  But a funny finding is that studies show body language can directly help you reduce your stress! Kind of crazy. For instance, the Science of People website cites the universal I-just-won-a-race-with-hands-in-the-air-with-smiling-face-to-the-sun “pose” as a huge stress reliever!

Our bodies are complicated, transparent, and so smart. Yet time and time again, we ignore them! Bottom-line, business leaders, listen up, your body has a lot to say.

Filed Under: Communication, Leadership, Uncategorized Tagged With: body language, business, business communication, communication, hiking, leaders, leadership, stress

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Melvin Gottschalk, Jr.

“Pat Riley said ‘Great effort springs naturally from great attitude.’ Heidi Frye’s executive coaching enlightened me to the truth behind these words…I would not be where I am today without Heidi and highly recommend her leadership coaching to anyone focused on… Read more “Melvin Gottschalk, Jr.”

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President and CEO of MedAxiom Consulting (Former CEO at West Michigan Heart)
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Director of U.S. Business Development
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Juli B.

“Working with Heidi was one of the most rewarding experiences in my career.  I am a better leader, co-worker and person…She has been one of the most influential people in my life.  I would recommend her expertise to anyone inspired to invest in advancing their career… Read more “Juli B.”

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C.F.O.
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Matt Schad

“…Nucraft has worked with Heidi to create internal peer groups to improve our internal communications and teamwork skills…Heidi facilitates these groups and the feedback has been uniformly positive from the participants…Heidi and UPwords Inc. have become a trusted Nucraft advisor.”

Matt Schad
CEO, Nucraft Furniture
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Linda M. Peasley, Ph.D. & Sally A. Camper

“The Department of Human Genetics would like to thank you for presenting the ‘Dealing with Conflicts’ workshop last weekend at our annual retreat…Our graduate students certainly appreciated the various exercises and, most of all, the role playing…The interactions with faculty,… Read more “Linda M. Peasley, Ph.D. & Sally A. Camper”

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Department Administrator Prof. and Chair,The University of Michigan Medical School, Department of Human Genetics
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Lori Stokes

“I have reached out to Heidi during the many phases of my management career for leadership coaching.  Her advice and wisdom has helped me identify ways to grow professionally as a individual and leader.  She is  honest, professional, and highly… Read more “Lori Stokes”

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Materials Manager
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Stephan W. Waltman

“I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for the service that you have provided Stiles Machinery for the last 15 years. Your contributions…have been immeasurable…Personally, I feel privileged to have had access to your advice and counsel. We… Read more “Stephan W. Waltman”

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Vice President of Sales & Marketing, Stiles Machinery, Inc.
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Spectrum Health Physician

“I have to admit I was a little skeptical when I first learned that we were to have this type of team meeting [Open 360 Feedback Process], but it definitely exceeded my expectations…You did a fabulous job with us and… Read more “Spectrum Health Physician”

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Spectrum Health
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Julie L. Novak

“I started working with Heidi about 18 months into my tenure as CEO, and …I soon realized it was essential to my growth as a leader. In the early days, she put a variety of concepts and tools in my… Read more “Julie L. Novak”

Julie L. Novak
Chief Executive Officer, Michigan State Medical Society
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“I have worked with many executive search firms across the USA and Canada. Upwords Inc. has proven to be among the best, coming through where others have failed to meet our needs…Heidi Frye has demonstrated her ability to understand our… Read more “Larry Gibbons”

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