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Transformation

October 21, 2018 by Heidi Frye

I was viewing a Performance Art installation at the museum. The artist/poet was sitting amidst hundreds of loose torn-from-dictionary-black-and-white pages strewn across the floor and posted to the walls. He was nestled in a large padded Victorian-inspired chair, sitting a bit askew with legs draped across the chair’s arm. As each person approached, he gave them a side-glance and a nod, waiting for the single uttered word which would initiate his brief inward stillness, inspiring a spontaneous poem to be written on one of the pages strewn about. Initially I was exasperated at the length of the line (thank-you to my daughter for coaxing me to stay!) – those who had made it through were audibly amazed at the perfection of the messages they received, motivating us to wait.  My exasperation turned into curiosity and then angst as I realized “Oh! I’m next…what is my word??!”

 

Transformation. I love transformation. Transformation is why I secretly enjoy washing a dirty floor. Why I bought two fixer-uppers in my twenties. And why I love being a coach. Nothing better than observing the growth, the movement, the aha’s, the change, the before & after, the betterment that has taken place! So subtle – barely recognizable mid-process really. And then, suddenly, “Wow, what happened?” – polished, clean, transformed! Transformation is exhilarating (to me anyway!).

 

He was right. The poet, that is. He handed me my poem, simply put, “the transformation happens regardless of what you call it”. The kind of transformation clients hire me for is directional (upward!), and in alignment with their goals. AND, it is intentional.  What about when it’s not? Because that happens too…

 

The point is, transformation does happen, regardless. We are never really static. Shifting, ever so subtly in one direction or another – not even realizing it is happening. Sometimes if not intentionally forward moving, transformation can be negative. Before you realize it, before you can stop the momentum, you’re there. In this place where you don’t recognize yourself anymore. Disengaged. Complacent. Withdrawn. Underutilized. Negative. Unhappy. This isn’t me…

 

I find, close to 100% of the time, in retrospect, clients know they knew when the shifted happened. The shift in the wrong direction. Let me say that again. On some sub-conscious level, they knew! They (now) know they knew (back then), instinctively, they were heading in the wrong direction. And didn’t pay attention to the warning signs. The dishonoring of self. Sometimes it seems so much easier to ignore your intuition. In the short run! In addition to the presence-of-mind to be able hear, and listen, to your intuition, courage is required. Courage, a.k.a. your voice, moxie, energy, the strength to course-correct, and head back in a positive direction.

 

You are in control. If you want to be. Transformation is going to happen regardless of what you call it…get mindful and intentional about yours, and set your trajectory in a positive direction.

Filed Under: Development, Leadership, Life, Personality Tagged With: aha, alignment, before & after, betterment, change, goals, growth, intentional, movement, sub-conscious, transformation

Are you a growth-oriented leader?

June 30, 2017 by Heidi Frye

Tension, breakthrough, aha's, development

A few years ago, one of my coaching clients told me about a very cool concept taken from the book, The Wonder Weeks – related to her daughter’s development – serving as an excellent leadership/development metaphor.  The basic concept is, when charted, “fussy periods” will be evident just prior to a child’s major milestones (teething, walking, etc.). As an example, two weeks before her daughter had taken her first step, she was uncharacteristically fussy – a pattern repeated before “big growth moments” – proving a direct correlation of her daughter’s agitation to her childhood milestones!

Huh. Well, in coaching leaders, I have witnessed plenty of adult-fussy-periods…agitation just prior to major developmental breakthroughs. It’s called tension! Nature has demonstrated the value of tension over and over and over again. Think: Chrysalis/Butterfly…Childbirth/Newborn Baby…Oyster & Sand/Pearl!!!! These agitation-fussy periods should be welcomed (if not celebrated!) as they indicate breakthroughs and “aha’s” that couldn’t/wouldn’t happen otherwise. Years ago, while part of an organizational development start-up, my business partner, an Organizational Psychologist, would come out of sessions thrilled that a client had “broken down”…because he knew…a breakthrough was on the other side.

Whether following the wisdom of Angela Duckworth, “Grit: The power of passion and perseverance” or Carol Dweck, “The power of believing you can improve”, there is something special that happens on the other side of tension. It need not be scary. Yes, you’ll need to muster up your strength to push through the discomfort of tension. And yes, you’ll need to resist the temptation to hit the release valve. Rather than resisting, push through it, not around it, not over it, not stopping short of it…but t-h-r-o-u-g-h it.

Tension. Resilience. Growth.

Filed Under: Development, Leadership, Life Tagged With: Angela Duckworth, behavior, business, Carol Dweck, coaching, growth, growth-oriented, leader, leaders, leadership, organizational development, resilience, resistance, Tension, Wonder Weeks

The Gift of Feedback

April 30, 2017 by Heidi Frye

 

feedback

It’s a broad-sweeping statement but based on my experience, most leaders (heck, most people!) do not have an accurate awareness of their impact on others…not surprisingly, underestimating it. In working with hundreds of business leaders, very few understand the depth and breadth of their impact. Yes, many do have an awareness of their less positive attributes, but many do not truly understand the ramifications on the people, the business, or the culture. Disengagement, misunderstandings, fear to speak up, passive agreement…all outcomes that hit the bottom-line.

As a kid, I remember one night over dinner, my father who owned his own business, recounted a less-than-favorable interaction with “a regular”. This particular customer had come in to complain about how a random-careless-human-act had negatively impacted her experience and ultimately the product. As only three devoted and vocal daughters could do, in high-pitched hysteria we went into full-on protective mode, “how dare she…what was she thinking…that is so terrible…how mean…!!!”, when my father signaled for us to “pipe down”. He told us how she had been his best customer that day…how impressed he was that she had come in to speak to him…how grateful he was. Wait. What??! In the words of Dad, “if she hadn’t given me that feedback, I wouldn’t be able to fix my business – make it better…how would I ever know? How many other customers, who don’t say anything, would never come back in? I would have lost their business without a chance! Because of her feedback, I can improve. It was a gift.”

Hmph. Hadn’t thought of it that way. Yep, Dad reframed feedback for me. A lesson that has lasted a lifetime.

When clients get the “gift of feedback” (whether from peers, their manager, friends, their team, or their coach!), are able to put their ego on pause to really hear what is being said, and take it to heart (this is key!), they experience huge growth.

Feedback is not easy to deliver, it takes great courage to give, and is most often, intended to help. It is a gift. How to respond? No rebuttals. No defensiveness. A mere “thank-you” is appropriate.

The rest is on you.

Filed Under: Communication, Leadership, Life, Uncategorized Tagged With: awareness, business, Dad, ego, feedback, growth, impact on others, leaders, leadership

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Melvin Gottschalk, Jr.

“Pat Riley said ‘Great effort springs naturally from great attitude.’ Heidi Frye’s executive coaching enlightened me to the truth behind these words…I would not be where I am today without Heidi and highly recommend her leadership coaching to anyone focused on… Read more “Melvin Gottschalk, Jr.”

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“Working with Heidi was one of the most rewarding experiences in my career.  I am a better leader, co-worker and person…She has been one of the most influential people in my life.  I would recommend her expertise to anyone inspired to invest in advancing their career… Read more “Juli B.”

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“I wanted to share this and tell you how much you have helped me in my career in so many ways.  Your knowledge of the industry and mentoring is among the best and I hope that we remain professional contacts!!!!!! … Read more “David Purpura”

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