perspective Archives - UPwords Inc

A Leadership Analogy + A Leadership Challenge

March 29, 2017 by Heidi Frye

As a leader drives the car of leadership, each individual on his/her leadership team acts as a mirror, reflecting what is happening in their segment of the business. Each team member contributes a unique perspective – their view of the surroundings, blindspots, and the vehicle itself. Each of these perspectives contributes to the overall success and safety of the journey. The rearview mirror might be the CFO. The side mirror, Operations. Sitting in the passenger seat might be Sales & Marketing…not exactly a mirror but certainly a unique perspective, with a single-minded focus on the future and the upcoming landscape. A successful trip involves access to, and reliance on, all of a leaders’ mirrors.

Yet, I often find leaders who feel the pressure to drive alone. Not relying on their mirrors. Expecting themselves to have the total view. It’s pressure they put on themselves. Silly, isn’t it…the idea of getting into a car and driving without the use of your mirrors?

Leadership Challenge: Gather your team and head out to your corporate parking lot. Cover all of the mirrors in your car. Drive (slowly!) and attempt to navigate the parking lot…nearly impossible! You’ll find you won’t get too far. It’s too risky. Not safe. Reflect on how many times you instinctively turned to look at your mirrors! Then, roll down your windows – have your team outside the car, walking alongside, providing direction. Let them guide you…as a team. Not one single team member has the total view. It is a combined effort. Trust them to see things you don’t see. Trust them to highlight potential dangers. Trust them to help you navigate.

Trust them to help you drive.

Successful Leaders Shift Out of Binary Thinking/Communication

July 28, 2016 by Heidi Frye

I was first introduced to this idea of “binary thinking” when a friend was explaining how simplistically men view sex (!!!)…which wasn’t exactly new news, but I just hadn’t heard it framed that way before. And then I started to notice patterns in my own leadership clients. Interesting concept. Remember the wonderful world of 1’s and 0’s from Computer Science 101? On. Off. Yes. No. Good. Bad. I began to observe this same simplistic pattern of “on” and “off” -ness in their communication style. My client leaders who had a binary communication style or view, were more prone to communication challenges…aha! At a minimum, on one end of the spectrum, leaders were reporting being overlooked/overshadowed, not heard, or not speaking up, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, they were causing fear and withdrawal in others, and the shutdown of ideas – getting things done but leaving dead bodies in their wake.

If you do not see yourself fitting this description, good for you, but I know you know someone who does! This is (unfortunately) quite prevalent, especially in the leadership ranks. I can separate my clients into two categories related to binary thinking/communication. The first being those who have grown up building up their “bossy/dictatorial muscle” leaning on formal authority or practicing intimidation to get things done, sometimes even getting labeled “bully” or “overbearing”. The second being the “quiet/nice/introverted” leader who is prone to not speaking up, but wanting to climb the corporate ladder, learns to become “assertive”. Although opposite starting points, the same end result, 0 or 1.

Over time, two basic skills (muscles) get used: (I know you’ve heard these terms…) 1. Passive – “If don’t say anything I’ll avoid conflict” (I don’t like conflict or I’ve been told I come on too strong or I’m trying to be nice and therefore will not speak my truth); 2. Aggressive – “Hey, at least I’m getting results…what else matters?” (this is my go-to strategy to get things done or I’m tired of not being heard, I’ll make sure they hear me this time! or I’m not being aggressive, they just don’t understand me ). Usually it’s a combination of the two. Hence binary thinking/communication! It’s time to build new muscles!!

BINARY Leaders (belief/view):

0 = Silent/say nothing = GOOD

1 = Speak and create conflict = BAD

…but COMMUNICATION IS NOT BINARY! Please consider another scale – a 10 point scale. To achieve the goal of my favorite mantra: Honoring Self while Respecting Others, optimally you’ll be in the 3-7 range…the finesse zone (courageously speaking your truth (honoring self) deliberately, intentionally, and mindfully, while being respectful (respecting others) and sensitive to the other person’s perspective and viewpoint – taking care to balance)

SUCCESSFUL Leaders:

1 = Silence

2 = Passivity

3 – 7 = the FINESSE ZONE

8 – 9 = Assertiveness

10 = Aggression

This is a pretty simplistic model that leaders understand…in theory anyway. It is much more difficult to implement effectively in the workplace. FINESSE takes practice. And it probably won’t yield perfect results the first few times as you stumble and fumble your way through. Keep at it. It’ll happen and you’ll be shocked (and thrilled!) by how much non-conflict-causing authentic truth you’ll learn to speak! Maybe collaborate and practice with a friend or colleague (they could probably benefit from it as well)? You could also hire “a trainer” to build that muscle…or an executive coach 🙂

Honor yourself while respecting others by shifting out of binary communication!

I had no idea when I left my daughter’s college campus, I would be so HIGH!

April 24, 2016 by Heidi Frye

Yes, I was HIGH when I left campus…but maybe not for the reasons you’re thinking – lol! I was high because I was hopeful about our future leadership. I was high because of the interest and engagement on this important subject matter. And I was high because I had the honor and privilege of being a guest lecturer at Central Michigan University’s Communication 353 – Team Communication class taught by Adam Barragato!

NOTE – this should be a required course for anyone working in any organization in any capacity!!

My daughter saw the overlap between her course material and my organizational/leadership development work and gave the instructor my contact info. Lo and behold, I found an email from this amazing instructor (go Adam!) in my Inbox. I loved his goal – to turn all his students into Team Ambassadors, and was excited to be a part of their transformation! Most importantly, I was thrilled my daughter was becoming a T.A., as well as finding her inner leader!! The curriculum mirrors programs offered “in Corporate America” and aligns with my own development philosophy and facilitation style, and includes meaty topics – EI/EQ (Emotional Intelligence), culture, team dynamics, perspective, self, conflict resolution, communication, personality typing, etc. etc.

I think of the development process as a “four-tiered cake”:

—Tier 4: Strategic—

-——-Tier 3: Tactical———

———-Tier 2: Team & Others———-

-———————Tier 1: SELF awareness———————

The higher I go in organizations, the more often I find leaders wanting to do (only) “the fun stuff” – strategic decision making – without having done the necessary (not so fun) foundation work (the layer on which great companies are built!!!). Even when they have done the work, I hear top leaders say “oh yah, I did all that a long time ago” as if they are done. Leadership development is a long-term commitment! If the I-did-that-in-the-past-so-I’m-done theory worked, we could all stop working out…after all, we were probably in pretty great shape in our twenties, so we should “done” for the rest of our careers, right? The foundation on which successful companies are built, is made up of STRONG and HEALTHY LEADERSHIP, which has SELF (awareness) and Healthy Team (interactions) as must-haves. What happens when the foundation is weak? …the house/cake falters. Working on “self” feels so remedial and messes with top leaders’ egos. Yet, in every organization (without exception), I’ve seen this issue rear its ugly head in one form or another. The people who are “developing” bump their heads against the leadership-above-them ceiling (even though leaders-up-above believe everything is fine). Leaders, please continue to do the Leadership Workout – self awareness, team dynamics, EQ/EI, perspective, and communication!! Nobody wants you to lose your leadership muscle tone! Leadership FLAB is neither attractive nor inspiring.

Daniel Goleman, the godfather of EQ/EI, challenges us with these four competencies: self awareness; self management; empathy and social awareness; and relationship management. The business case for focusing on EQ/EI is compelling and rich with substantiated examples.

I was so high when I left this college campus because these students are getting exposed to this very important work NOW. Their egos aren’t bumping up against this topic (yet), so they are still open, engaged, and hungry for more development!! The discussion was fun and engaging. As expected with this huge topic, not enough time to cover everything. Fortunately, their instructor gets it, and leads the way. Adam, thank-you for inviting me in to share a “real world” perspective and the importance of this work with two of your sections!!! And to all of the students…thank-you for your participation!

Cover Photo: US News and World Report

Coaching Through Coffee: A New Perspective – the Ego and Blindspots

November 24, 2015 by Heidi Frye

One of the things I love most about being a coach, is the opportunity to offer new perspectives to individuals/groups – to see the shift – the shift in thinking, the shift in perspective, the shift in behavior. [Read more…]

Regain Your Power – Change Your BUT to an AND

May 28, 2015 by Heidi Frye

Have you ever been so engrossed in your own fury – your irritation regarding a situation – YOUR OWN REACTION, that your perception was distorted? When you lose perspective, you lose your power and the ability to deal with the way things reality. Maybe one of these situations has sparked a reaction in you: the plane doors close just as you approach the gate; it rains on your long-awaited-favorite trip; or your leftover meal from your favorite restaurant, the one you were looking forward to all day, has been eaten by someone else.

Surely you’ve heard the phrase “glass-half-empty or glass-half-full.” When you lose “your power”, your capability, and your perspective, you become a slave to your own reaction – a drink from the glass of half-empty.

Things that get in our way:

1 We focus on the “shoulds” instead of the what is. By getting attached to what should have happened instead of reality, we give away our ability to reason and act effectively. “You shouldn’t have rained on my vacation and now my trip is ruined and I’m going to be miserable.”

2 We make a quick exit when the going gets tough. Often when we are in the midst of a situation that is painful, draining, or tough, we make a run for it. We leave the scene so we don’t have to deal with the pain. Emotional maturity is developing and flexing the muscles that allow us to stay, endure, and deal with a situation – to do the “heavy lifting”. Why bother? We’ll get strong, and thus, the opportunity to regain our power, and author our own life.

3 We apply judgment. Suspend the desire and the need, to apply judgment to every situation that doesn’t go our way. For instance, although you may be lamenting how BAD it is that it’s raining on your vacation, it might be GOOD for nature, the trees and wildlife to get the needed water. It’s not all about you. Deal and figure out an alternative strategy…Mother Nature is not listening to you.

4 We let abstractions become our reality. Let’s just say you have “experienced” two back-to-back rainy vacations – your reality becomes “every time we go on vacation it rains”. Wallowing in this kind of thinking paralyzes us, and prevents us from living our lives to the fullest.

By dealing with reality, we are free to find the good in the situation and handle it accordingly. Start by replacing your “but” with an “and”. OLD: “We would have had fun in Sedona, but it was raining…we were miserable.” NEW: “We went to Sedona and it was raining…so we decided to hike through the mountains anyway and see nature at its best – the colors were saturated and lush.”

Resistance to a given situation robs us of our ability to ask the question, “How do I move forward? or “What do I want to happen now?” When we get caught up in blaming and not dealing, we short-change ourselves from enjoying so much life. Acceptance gives us our power back.

By the way, I have been to Sedona in the rain. We hiked 5 miles to our campsite…in the rain. We set up tents…in the rain. We were miserable…in the rain. And then, something happened – well, it did for me anyway, I decided I wanted to have a good time. I accepted the situation for what it was…because, like it or not, it was raining! We swam, went on exploration hikes, played games, laughed at the great stories we would tell at future parties about this crazy weekend, and enjoyed team building by crafting a make-shift awning to protect our fire. Just as we decided to accept our fate, the rain stopped, and the sunshine smiled on us.

A Leadership Analogy + A Leadership Challenge

Successful Leaders Shift Out of Binary Thinking/Communication

I had no idea when I left my daughter’s college campus, I would be so HIGH!

Coaching Through Coffee: A New Perspective – the Ego and Blindspots

Regain Your Power – Change Your BUT to an AND

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